In stable and harmonious family relationships, the part taken up by a mother is of great importance. The perfect switch between the roles of being a wife and a mother teaches the child how to love others. His/Her future is set in the interaction between parents.
In our culture and society, there are more mothers focusing on the children’s education than those paying heed to the mutual growing-up of couples. Barely do they realize that the core of family happiness is the harmony in husband and wife. So Action. In. Reading drew our attention to the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. The data cited in the book affirms the truth hidden in the intimate relationships in the Big Data Era.
"Cultivating Happy Marriage with Dedication"
Our ten reading leaders undertook thought-provoking discussions in a clear manner by dividing the book into 12 chapters. Besides the reading, we even tried to share and finish the testing questions attached in the book with our spouses. One thing particularly impressed me was one day, when I ran into a father in the school auditorium, he came to me and said, “Did my wife attend your reading club? I think it is amazing! Last night, she drew a card and put it under my pillow, which touched me so much. I hoped she could spend more time with the reading club.” At the sight of his sweet and happy smile, I couldn’t help feeling happy, too. Someone once asked me, “How can you make it to have time to manage the reading club since you have three kids to look after?” I guess my empathetic feeling of other parents’ happiness is the best answer to it. Apart from that, there are many heart melted moments in the reading club. It is more than a reading club, it is a garden for our thoughts, a window helping us to be connected with the outer world.
In the spirit of actions speaking louder than words, on September 19, 2019, our reading leaders visited the head office of WomanAct, our donation recipient, which is an organization committed to anti domestic violence.
This visit aroused a lot of thinking and reflection. Household violence impacts the lifeline of a family. The data of 2018 demonstrates that in Toronto alone, 21 women died from the suffering of family violence. This is a shocking number. Moreover, more women are being tormented by violence in all kinds.
Our reading leaders talked with Harmy, Executive Director of WomanAct, and Lieran, Project Manager, for more than an hour. When Harmy introduced her organization with enthusiasm and passion, we saw through her eyes her commitment and persistence in her work. Their introduction led to a deeper understanding of how WomanAct, by utilizing community efforts and collaboration research, endeavours to eradicate the violence towards women and children fundamentally by policy and education.
Shelley, one of the reading leaders, shared her thoughts in the reading club: most of the time, our marriage journey is filled with love, excitement, happiness and felicity. However, the sky will not remain blue for the whole time. We also unavoidably experience fight, disagreement, disappointment, tears and hurting hearts. At that time, do we turn and leave our spouses behind or lean towards each other instead?
Two hearts approach closer by the routine trivia and little moments in life. Some are as little as helping to scratch spouses’ backs; some are as tedious as looking after senile and sick parents. All these constitute the soul and heart of happy and romantic marriage. They are also the deposit for “Love Bank”, saved up enough to make up for the loss of affection resulting from marital conflicts and even crisis, so as to ensure the stability of marriage.
When the spouse displays any negative emotions due to the upsetting and disturbing events out of marriage, let us start a pressure relieving conversation.
Let us learn to listen. Do not blame, do not advise. Bearing empathy, understanding and acceptance. Hearkening is love.
Leaning toward, instead of leaving behind, inch by inch would have huge impacts like rolling snowball. Remember: a tiny change can essentially improve marriage.
The above is the main learning contents of this study session. I made a simple summary for the convenience of absent friends. “Updating your love map, deepening your fondness and admiration, increasing your tendency to turn toward each other.” Hope you can apply these quotes in life and enjoy a happy marriage!